Legend has it that the universe was created by a handful of midgets on horseback.. will they be end the of the universe as well?

Back when the universe was zero dimensions, it became 1 dimension, and was a point of mass. For no apparent reason, this exploded during something known appropriately as "The Big Bang", which turned the universe 3D (without the help of the previously-used 3D glasses). At this stage the universe was still highly compressed matter, but after 7 seconds or so, the universe had expanded enough for space between the blobs of mass to occur. Thus, "nothing" was created between "stuff". Yes, believe it or not, STUFF was created well before "nothing" was. Actually, stuff is a vital PART of nothing. Because nothing can't be nothing if there isn't 'stuff' to weight it up against. But I digress.

A long time after that, things cooled down a little, and the blobs of mass separated a little more, and had formed cute spheres, and gravity put these cute spheres in circle patterns. One of these cute spheres was earth, at it was the cutest of them all, having the charming advantages of water, air AND room temperature!
In these brilliant conditions, little algae blobs randomly formed, which turned into crill, which turned into crabs, which turned into poo-fish, which crawled onto land and turned into lizards, which turned into monkeys. Then a monkey with downs syndrome fell out of the tree and invented the wheel. Or Adam and Eve had 50 billion babies (for those religious readers out there).

Things got pretty boring there for a long time, until a sprightly fellow called Jesus appeared from nowhere. A former carpenter, he took up the bountiful profession of preacher/magician and made quite a name for himself. Using bread, fish, wine, intricate wire harnesses, and other apparatus, he performed many amazing things over his lifetime. Unfortunately, his career took a turn for the worse. He came up with a strange and obscure idea. "Love one another, and be kind to each other, and that will bring you happiness". This peculiar idea lead many people to anger. "Love one another?" they cried, "if we did that, then I wouldn't be able to beat up my seventeen children". In fact, people were so pissed off at Jesus for trying to be kind to everyone, that it warranted him being nailed to a tree.
But even so, he did pretty well in his life, and his book, the internationally acclaimed "Bible" is still up there in the top ten.

The next important thing I must note is midgets on horses. Midgets on horses played an integral part in history. The first midget on horseback was Genghis Kahn. An ambitious sheep farmer, he began his life by killing his family before even leaving the womb. After his fetus crawled from the writhing corpse of his mother, he decided to take over the world. So him and a handful of lackeys got aboard horses and sailed over the hills, wiping out famous military leaders such as Alexander the Great, and Galileo. After he and his handful of cross-dressers wiped out the entire Roman Empire, he thought too hard and then exploded. Sadly, his lackeys were hit by the Genghis shrapnel, and they too randomly exploded.

It is believed that Napoleon was a descendant of Kahn, for he was perhaps the greatest horseback midget who ever lived. He started off as a maid in King George's castle, serving tea and biscuits to the sundry imperials. But it wasn't long before he, as all midgets do, wrestled his way to the top of the food chain. Within months, he had gathered up a handful of fleas from the local flea circus. He then adopted a brain-damaged schizophrenic street urchin called "Dip-bread", and set off down the German coast to assail any whom stepped in his path. It wasn't long before his midget-on-a-horse powers kicked in, and soon he, in his forefather's footsteps, conquered the Roman Empire, and its entire airforce. He also managed to kill off all the wild turkeys in Europe, and then he was quoted to have said, "Shit! There's a whole COUNTRY up there called turkey. Crap", at which point he got on his horse again and invaded Turkey, and killed everyone except a wide-foreheaded pregnant woman called Moldwarp (who would forever come back to haunt the world). After conquering 71% of the earth's land mass, he decided to invade his own country for no apparent reason, which ended in the death of the street urchin (Dip-bread) due to spontaneous self-explosion, which was quite common at the time.
During the Battle of the Enormous Octopus (as it was named after the sight of Napoleon's victory dance), he sketched out plans for the digital camera, and compact disk, and the hair dryer, three electronic products that we use today. He also wrote the complete works of Shakespeare whilst fencing with a small elderly man (yes, Shakespeare is really a fraud, created by Napoleon for political reasons), and then finally invented Neapolitan Ice-cream, and named it after himself, only seconds before he too randomly exploded. Sadly refrigerators hadn't been invented, so it wasn't until the 20th century that Neapolitan ice-cream would resurface as the cornerstone of our culture.

And thus ended the era of the midgets on horses.

World War One never really happened. In 1915, "Moldwarp", the only surviving Turk, created a selective breeding program with her twenty children and managed rebuild the Turkish population. A year later they all simultaneously set their tiki-huts and on fire, and put fake blood everywhere to trick people into thinking that mass carnage had occurred, when it was actually just a big stupid practical joke to invent world war one, for which they would pay sorely. For only minutes later, all the Turks randomly spontaneously exploded, thus restoring justice. But, as per usual, one Turk survived, by the name of "Son of Moldwarp", who was a young man with a uterus, which was indeed pregnant with 40 children, which would forever haunt the globe.

The REAL World War One (called, (unjustly) world war 2, by the uneducated folk) began when a Jewish albino by the name of Arnold Hitler failed art school (some believe that his name was Adolf, but it is obvious that no respectable German gentleman would have a word which closely resembles ‘dorf’ present in their name). Records have shown that he was then expelled from the school because "African Americans are not allowed in the education system of Germany". Although questions as to why a red-eyed pale-skinned albino was expelled for this reason still remain in shrouded in mystery. Soon after, he stubbed his toe on a telephone booth, which lead him into a great fury which didn't end until many years later. In that great fury, he summoned up all the people of Germany and chose to invade the world (which was strange, considering he wasn't a midget, and the fact that horses were extinct by this stage). He summoned up an enormous army consisting of 13 billion pitchfork-wielding bearded women (aka: the entirety of Germany), and set about invading the North-American indians. (Galileo had not yet discovered or taken over North America at this stage, so indians still ran rampant with their indian food stalls and curries) He invaded from the south, which was quite a bad choice. He was almost at North America, and would probably have managed to conquer it, then the rest of the world, had it not been for the noble actions of Che Guevara. Hitler and his troops had almost broken free from the amazon rainforest, and their army had significantly increased due to the addition of 13 thousand billion sloths, and the infamous South American adventurer Ernie Dingo. But courageous hero Arnold Hitler and his noble and gallant army came to an abrupt end. Che Guevara, a man of strong will power, and a maker of fine cheeses had decided to take action against the unsuspecting German forces. He, and a handful of circus midgets who worked at his nightclub secretly got into a canoe and rowed out into the middle of a swamp, which in effect, caused the entire German ground and air troops to randomly explode. Also, all of the roman empire was once again destroyed, as was the one and only German submarine, which was manned by Erwin Rommel at the time. During all this chaos, "Son of Moldwarp" with his uterus had once again rebuilt the Turkish empire, and it is a real shame that the actions of Che Guevara cause them too to spontaneously explode.

Thus the entirety of the German and Roman forces were wiped out, once again sending the world into relative calm. Although let it be noted that one Turk, by the name of "Son of Son of Moldwarp" did survive, and he had the same physical attributes of his father, including a uterus, which was pregnant at the time.

Thus ended World War One, the war to end all wars (although the uneducated sundry call this world war two, but any sophisticated person knows that world war one was a Turkish prank (which instigated the "Turkish Delight", a delicatessent invented by Moldwarp to celebrate her practical joke, only moments before she exploded)).

Twenty years later, an old man was born in india by the name of Ghandi. He, like Hitler was an albino, with the customary powder-white skin and red yes. And he, like Jesus, believed that we should all be kind to one another, and for that he was abruptly shot in the groin. Although before he came to his sticky end, one thing must be noted. Whilst Ghandi was a businessman (before he became the poncho-wearing wandering prophet), he was on a train one time and was kicked off that train. The reason submitted was “African Americans are not permitted on the Indian rail system”. Like Hitler, questions as to why this reason was given to an albino remain shrouded in mystery.

It was only a matter of time before the wheel was reinvented, square this time. A man by the name of Einstein then thought of putting legs on the square wheel, and called it "The Square-Wheeled Leg Machine", which was later renamed "A Table" in his honor. Einstein also dabbled in numbers and gravity and stuff on the side, but that is less important.
A few years later, Galileo discovered France and North America, and he was quoted to have said "Give me a place in which to stand, and I will move past go and collect two-hundred dollars", which also lead to the creation of the infamous boardgame "Hungry Hungry Hippos".

A man by the name of Jaleel White took this concept and adapted it to create advanced nuclear arms. With these nuclear arms, he could lift anything, and could give children cancer by just touching them, which was a godsend.
A few years later, in the year 2003, in the Middle East (a swarthy desert area infamous for bad George Lucas films) men with a large amount of facial hair got drunk and a little too ambitious. Them, and a handful and rotund masculine maids took it upon themselves to take over the world. But North American intervened, by sending Jaleel White over with his nuclear arms. He was accompanied by the complete cast of StarGate, who were armed with pointy sticks. Using this advanced technology, and with the help of The Square-Wheeled Leg Machine, which was used as a surface for maps and planning, they managed to hold back the bearded fiends from the world. But then, to our worldwide horror, ‘Son of Son of Moldwarp’, another of the Moldwarp family, had come back to haunt us, again with the usual multitude of wide-foreheaded-turks, who are now forming a tripartite in Tunisia, in the middle-east, with Americans and the Bearded-Ones..

Today, Che Guevara's son, who happens to be very short, set out into the swamplands of the amazon on his horse. With William Pen, Houghton Mifflin, Ivan Aksakoff, and a handful of tuscan jellyfish and copper replicas of Sean Penn, they plan to simultaneously explode the universe. Hopefully, their mission will be a success. But only time will tell, mah-boy. Only time will tell.
*stares off into horizon*

Schlong.